Twins

Non twins usually have very specific ideas of what they believe a twin relationship is like ie extremely close and loving, which is often far from the reality of how many twins perceive their relationships. But not all twin relationships are equal, as opposite sex twins will not struggle with the same issues that identical twins experience merely because they look different.  ID twins have nearly the same genetic make up.  Making them unique in humans and unique in the world of twins.  They are identical / or near identical in appearance and mannerisms, which will mean others may find it hard if not impossible to tell the difference between them, and consequently Identical twins will often be seen as one.  Understandably this will have dire consequences for their sense of identity.  But in degrees all twins will face identity challenges, as they are the same developmental age, unlike ordinary siblings.

Twins were one of two from the beginning so they will have unique struggles in their relationships.  They may try to recreate the twin closeness in friendships and with partners, usually with little success.  Twins can experience rejection and abandonment when the other (non twin) refuses (albeit unconsciously ) to engage in this dynamic.  I do wonder if it is ever possible for Id Twins to be truly an individual because of this, whether they remain in each others lives or are estranged.  The other is always there, if not physically present.

Parenting twins is also a complicated business, as these parents have to manage issues that are unique to the twin relationship, alongside the physical & emotional demands of having two children of the same development age:

• Envy or competitiveness in the twin relationship
• Difficulties with relationships outside the twinship
• Separation difficulties

I work with twins, or parents of twins, living in different locations around the world via Zoom.